Miss Ginger at Diary of a Freak Magnet will be hosting the next “Carnival of the Feminists” on December 6; please consider offering a submission.
One of Ginger’s suggested topics is what she calls the “Y Factor” — the role of men in the feminist movement. Few topics are nearer and dearer to my heart, so I’ll see if I can’t oblige again.
Once Lauren and I get some 1200 old posts categorized, I’m sure I’ll have quite a few that fit both into the “men and masculinity” and “feminism” rubrics. But there’s always room for more. Blogging is, I suppose, a bit like teaching: one returns to the same material, again and again, trusting that many will be hearing it or reading it for the first time.
There are few questions that I get asked more often than “What do you think the role for men in the feminist movement ought to be?” Relatively few men teach women’s studies courses at any level in higher ed, and those of us who do are rightly scrutinized. Folks want to know why we do what we do. Some just want to psychoanalyze the “strange beast” of the male feminist, while others are genuinely interested in discovering if we have something important and unique to contribute.
Someone — perhaps Jeff of Feminist Allies, since I’m fond of volunteering others — ought to organize a thread for pro-feminist men in which we tell the stories of how we became interested in doing this work. Some of us were raised by feminist mothers (and fathers!); others came to it through friends in high school or college; others were inspired by teachers or activists. I don’t know if anyone’s put together a compendium of “male feminist stories”, but they ought to. Someone might even come up with a book proposal out of it.
Speaking only for myself, the key foundation of what it means to be a male feminist goes beyond an ideological belief that eradicating sexism in the world is a good idea. The sine qua non of pro-feminism ought to be the commitment to match one’s language to one’s life. It’s one thing to give intellectual assent to a series of political positions (“sexism is bad”; “women should be paid the same as men”; “abortion should be legal”.) It’s another thing altogether to examine one’s own attitudes and behavior, ruthlessly determined to overcome one’s own sexist impulses and behaviors. Any man who publicly identifies as a feminist risks scorn from non-feminists, and justifiable suspicion from many women in the movement. A feminist man establishes his bona fides over time, and he establishes them less through his political work than through his commitment to personal transformation.
Radical feminists (in the authentic sense of the phrase) are always wary of the rhetoric of “bourgeous navel-gazing.” (And jeez Louise, am I a bourgeois navel-gazer, par excellence!) But let me be clear: I don’t see men’s personal transformation from sexist jerks into models of self-restraint, compassion, and kindness as the final goal of male feminism. Personal transformation is an ongoing process, after all; it is not an instant event. But the end result of the process is not just a “nice guy” or an “enlightened man”, but someone who is active in the struggle for global and local change.
I am convinced that our efficacy as “change-makers” is contingent upon our character. Despite what some folks see as a vaguely Puritanical streak in my writing, I’m not suggesting constant self-criticism that would make a Maoist (or an Inquisition confessor) proud. I’m advocating a commitment to exploring ways in which our goals and our practices can converge. I’m advocating a life that sees congruence between private and public acts as among the highest of virtues. I’m advocating tremendous patience with those who still struggle to reconcile their beliefs and their behaviors, and great sympathy for those who fall short of the mark time and again.
Once we’ve walked a bit down this road, we can start to become effective members of a larger feminist community. We can start leading by public example, exhorting and encouraging and challenging both women and men, but especially our fellow men. We live in a world where men are still given greater respect in many walks of life; we live in a world where our voices are more likely to be heard, at least in certain quarters — we can both lament that unearned privilege and take advantage of it for the cause.
Inventing new offenses, promising that the punishments will be only gentle and corrective, targeting the dissonance between what we tell each other and our secret dreams.
Nietzsche warns us to beware those in whom the urge to punish is strong. The urge seems particularly strong in the man with his own oft-mentioned sins.
Did you miss the bit about patience and forgiveness? I’m not interested in punishment, I’m interested in change. I’m interested in asking men to consider living differently, matching language and life.
I didn’t miss it. I condemn it (“gentle and corrective”) as the pretense that it is, like “matching language and life.”
Hypocrisy is a high and wide target. Perhaps the thoroughgoing moral and political transformation that you plan deserves a more humane approach than applying the Internet’s cliches about “holding people accountable” for whatever one holds people accountable for and “calling people on” whatever one calls people on.
Put another way, the weapons of the weak are weapons nonetheless.
Clever, I assure you I don’t merely muse in cyberspace. I live this out, as best I can, with my family, with the youth I mentor, with my teaching. It’s of course best done in relationship.
Did you miss the bit about patience and forgiveness? I’m not interested in punishment, I’m interested in change. I’m interested in asking men to consider living differently, matching language and life.
Men don’t need to change. Men are fine the way they are.
I think that the word “Feminism” related to a potential future Men’s Movement may seem a little misleading. Inevitably such a movement will need to work towards “men’s interests” in a new way. Such a movement might start looking at how we men hurt and even kill each other and ourselves as well as are “the weaker gender” in so many ways (life expectancy the most visible one). Male violence directed at both men (fighting, gang violence, etc.) as well as at women (rape, domestic violence) and children (of course) might be an important part of this. Finding a new meaning for “respect” might be relevant. Homophobia certainly is critical – our emotional identities as “Not Girls” and later “Not Women” – often imprisons us as we fear the rejection (and injury) from other males (as well as women).
Another part of a future Men’s Movement is seeing our life roles differently. It was no coincidence that AIDS support work in the U.S. had such a tiny, tiny proportion of Het Men. AIDS wasn’t seen as relevant to us in general – e.g. “straight men don’t get AIDS so Why should I do the work?” I never saw the depths of the role of being a Father until I became one. Men often don’t see the importance of people with disabilities until or unless disability directly affects their lives. Aging is often similar.
Women are often different in “taking care of others” – children, parents, grandparents, or simply those who may benefit from care and support. We men often “don’t see beyond our noses” – from playing as a boy independently (not caring for younger siblings) to our sports and other pleasures (while women take care of things).
There are Many exceptions of course!
Our former male roles as: soldier, breadwinner, “boss”, “head of household” are often disappearing. Far too many of us are caught in a narcisistic web – of “self actualization” – which doesn’t do much for others or build bonds that will help us as we need help in our future lives.
Feminism is very important in all of this! In the end though we will need to find new ways of bonding with: men, women, children and ourselves. I try to explore some of this in my blog: http://www.geoisphere.blogspot.com as well as our group blog at: http://www.feministallies.blogspot.com.
Thanks!
I disagree, Jorge.
Men and women need to change. Humanity is fairly f*cked up right now. I think feminism is a good vehicle for change in women, and compliance for men. Men need their own vehicle to change themselves: I don’t think the feminist community is as well-equipped for it. Compliance means you don’t beat your wife, change means you don’t because you don’t want to.
Antigone,
I remember my friends of the early 1980′s – who had stopped battering their female partners. Now some of their partners wanted them to be the same – “pseudo macho” males – just without the battering. For the men, stopping their battering – relied upon them viewing themselves and others differently. They no longer could nor wanted to be “the same men”. This ended some relationships.
Obviously – you or those you care about may chose “compliance” as you put it. To me that’s a good solution – like convincing Georgie in D.C.- to nudge his Iraq Policy – just a tinge – “it’ll be ok” – that’s b.s. in my book.
I think that we men are hurting – and need to work to change ourselves. You may disagree.
Thanks~
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