However, when Hugo and others articulate the the fostering of positive emotions in others as a duty, I think of the following story. I have had the unpleasant experience f an adult poisoning; a doctor miscalculated the dose in a prescription, and I had a night of convulsions and shakes (the drug could have stopped my heart, so I got lucky). The experience left me very careful, even paranoid, about what went into anything I ate or drank. Some years later, when I went to get coffee at a campus cafe, a student in a hurry leaned over me to throw out tea bag, and dripped her tea into my coffee. I felt angry and frightened. I perceived a harried student, trying to grab some tea and get to class, had just behaved a touch rudely, and however authentic my history and the emotions resulting from that history, unloading on her, holding her responsible for my experience, would not work. The experience helped to confirm my rejection of emotionalism as a basis for ethics. I don’t hold others responsible for what I feel because I don’t ell everyone my history. I do react to what I perceive as intentional disrespect, particularly intentional disregard for my physical safety (as an urban cyclist, I have plenty of opportunity to do that).

Men and women look at eachother – I’ll definitely look at attractive men who cross my path if I can – I love a man’s chest just as much as Isky seems to love a woman’s! But I am also aware of being in the company of another person who will no doubt have feelings. It is always rude to stare – so I do my level best not to and I don’t assume that a man who is showing his chest is doing so because he wants female attention (although I’m sure some do) as one could never be certain. Making this assumption would be a recipe for causing offence.

You explained with far more patience and eloquence than I could have.

There is a difference, you know, between “if you dress attractively, there’s a good possibilitiy some guys you don’t want to attract are going to find you attractive” and “if you dress attractively, there’s a good possibility some guys are going to pursue you in ways that are creepy, ignoring your efforts to let them know you’re not interested.” When you told Katie, “some guys aren’t as nice as other guys” and that this wasn’t a “solvable problem,” you sounded as if you were straying into the latter territory – the one where women should just sort of accept that they’ve invited it when men approach them in ways that are actually creepy, because no better can be expected from men. That’s probably what Catty was reacting to.

Expect that men you don’t want to attract are going to find you attractive? Sure. Expect that you’ll have to go to the work of saying no to a few people? Sure. Expect, if you’re a teenage girl, that teenage boys will approach you in ways that are clumsy and awkward because they haven’t figured out what girls like yet? Sure. Expect, if you’re adult, that some men will still be pretty awkward, and others will be using approaches that other women would like, but that you find annoying? Sure. But once the type of approach moves into territory that women in general find creepy and scary, or once the man isn’t being put off by being turned down, then the problem you want to work on solving is the one where the men are being creepy in their approaches, not the one where the women are showing off their looks. And, whether or not creeps are an altogether “solvable problem,” they’re people too, and capable of figuring out in which venues people let them get away with being creepy, and of adjusting in times and places where the general level of tolerance of creepy approaches goes down.

That’s gotta be a new track and field record for the Jump To A Conclusion. Where are the Guinness people?

Just in case you’re unaware, there ARE polite ways to approach a woman. I generally tend to prefer the company of respectful people of both genders- and I have rarely heard my female friends call someone a creep if the guy approached her respectfully and backed off when she didn’t show interest.

I have nothing against men or women being polite and respectful when approaching strangers.

It’s not some patriarchal plot against women- I’m talking about ASSHOLES that harass women and won’t take no for an answer without wasting people’s time and becoming unpleasant. We’re not talking about respectful people.

It seems you don’t know the difference. When people say CREEP, I think of people that behave in a creepy manner. You must not think very much of your fellow men when you assume I’m talking about ALL men.

I find it very difficult to believe this is a new or, for that matter, solvable problem.

Sorry, but if most guys were content with “Thanks but no thanks,” I’d be able to get a drink at a bar in peace just once in my life. I’ve been called a bitch over things like “Sorry, I’m seeing someone,” “I have a boyfriend,” “I’ve got a girlfriend,” or “Sorry, I have to run.” Certainly, not all guys do this, and I’m not trying to imply that’s the case. The ones that do are the ones who keep talking to you after verbal and bodily clues that you’re not interested (no eye contact, negative body language like crossed arms and facing away, reading a book, one word answers, clock watching, making real or fake cell phone calls, etc), and they’re the problem in the first place, not the guys who smile and beg off and don’t waste your time — OR let you waste theirs.