“Guardians of each other’s autonomy”: some more thoughts on sex and disparate desire

Over at Feministing this morning, Jessica links to this appalling piece that ran in the London Times: Not tonight, dear . . . in fact, not ever. Written by Dr. Pam Spurr, it’s subtitled: Feminism gave women control of their sex lives, but has it gone too far? Author and sex expert Dr Pam Spurr argues that many women are risking their relationships by saying ‘no’.

Here’s the whopper:

At the risk of being called old-fashioned (though I don’t think that old-fashioned should always have negative connotations) and antifeminist, I’d go so far as to say that for both partners sex could be considered a duty, if it is something that one partner knows would make the other happy.

Does he really want to go up on the roof to repair a leak on a Sunday afternoon?

Does she really want to take out the rubbish in the pouring rain? No, but partners in relationships do such things because they know that it makes the other happy. Sex should be seen in the same light.

Jessica takes it apart very well, and there’s a thriving discussion in the comments section at Feministing as well. Continue reading

“Something I can never back out of”: some reflections on the prospect of having kids

There’s a rich and at times heated debate going on in the thread below this post. Most of the folks weighing in are parents, something I’m obviously not, so I’m largely staying out of the discussion. One participant, Kate, does ask:

Hugo – it sounds as if you and your wife are considering having children. How are you expecting/hoping children to change your lives?

Yes, my wife and I are considering having children, though we aren’t expecting any at the moment. Yes, we talk a great deal about having children. And yes, there’s some ambivalence on both our parts about becoming parents.

When I share that I’ve been married four times without having children with any of my ex-wives (or the half-dozen other women I lived with), some folks are a bit surprised. Statistics alone would suggest that I ought to have produced at least one or two. It’s a blessing, of course, that I never had children with any of my exes. I think all three of my ex-wives would have made fine mothers, but judging by my own emotional state at the time I was married to at least the first two, I would have been a catastrophically bad father.
Continue reading

Friday Random Ten: Songs with Long Titles Edition

Nothing else to post today: boxing, running, grading — and a trip to the dentist — will consume all available blogging time.

1. “Come Pick Me Up”, Ryan Adams
2. “If I Had A Hammer”, Sam Cooke
3. “House of the Rising Sun”, Be Good Tanyas
4. “Boys on the Radio”, Hole
5. “Breakin’ the Chains”, Dokken
6. “Colorado”, Stephen Stills and Manassas
7. “A Little Past Little Rock”, Lee Ann Womack
8. “Fifty Miles of Elbow Room”, Iris Dement
9. “Ease Your Feet in the Sea”, Belle and Sebastian
10. “If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next”, Manic Street Preachers

Bonus Track: “I’ve Seen it All”, Bjork and Thom Yorke

USATF bans headphones; glory be!

This is great news: USA Track & Field, the national governing body for running, this year banned the use of headphones and portable audio players like iPods at its official races.

As a veteran of 14 marathons and countless other road and trail races from 5-50K, I’m proud to say I’ve never taken two steps with music. And I’ve been jostled and pushed and run into more times than I can count by oblivious nincompoops who can’t hear my “on your left!” as I try and squeeze past them. Running with headphones in a major race is like yakking on your cell phone on the freeway — both deserve the bans that they are now receiving nationwide.

And I may sign up to do the famous Grandma’s Marathon:

Coming up with a way to enforce a headphone ban — if enforcement is even possible — has been a challenge for race organizers. Some have already taken a hard line, like the Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth, Minn., in June, which had a field of about 7,000 runners. Race officials collected iPods at the start and then mailed them back to competitors. Still, 30 maverick runners who broke the rules and used headphones were disqualified.

“We proved that it is very possible to enforce,” said Scott Keenan, the Grandma’s Marathon race director. “If other races are allowing it, then shame on them.”

Scott Keenan is my new hero.

Yeah, I’m curmudgeonly on the topic. But I feel very strongly that part of running is listening to one’s body, listening to one’s breath, listening to the sounds of the city or of nature around you. Wearing headphones to do a marathon is like wearing headphones to a wedding. Now, that’s just one fella’s opinion, and others may differ. But that doesn’t mean that wearing headphones doesn’t affect those around you, and it does place you and other runners in danger.

And the danger is real. See my post here.

A note on evaluations

Here at Pasadena City College, we have a two-tiered system of evaluation. Tenure-track professors are evaluated in all of their classes each semester. Those with tenure are evaluated in a smaller number of their courses, and only once every three years. I’ve had tenure for nearly a decade, so I’m getting evaluated this autumn for the first time in three years.

I am very mindful of the utility of student evaluations. Though I wish they were done closer to the end of the course, I appreciate enormously the opportunity they present. Like most folks, I don’t take the “ratemyprofessors” site seriously anymore; it’s apparent to all that anyone can rate a teacher online. I could be giving myself all the positive ratings, and a few men’s rights advocates could be writing all the negative ones, and there’s no way to ascertain whether a rater has actually taken the course they are evaluating. In-class evaluations are different. I step out of the classroom, and our department secretary (or her assistant) administers the surveys. Students fill in bubbles and make comments. Eventually (usually around May, it takes forever) the results are tabulated and I am given a sheet with my overall numerical averages as well as a typed sampling of the comments. (I don’t always get the actual sheets themselves, perhaps to protect me from trying to judge who wrote what by their handwriting.)

I’m confident I’m a good teacher, and at times that confidence slips dangerously close to hubris. (My post about the educrats serves as a case in point.) But the fact that I feel I have little to learn from those with Ed.D. after their name does not mean I believe I have no room for improvement! I’m a better teacher today than I was a decade or so ago, and if I continue to take constructive criticism and push myself hard, I’ll be — by grace and effort — a better teacher still a decade from now. My students are smart folks, and after they’ve taken a few of my tests and sat through a few of my lectures, they’re pretty darned good at identifying my strengths and pointing out where it is that I can improve. A good teacher can always become a better one, and I’m eager to continue to get better.

When I first started teaching, I sought advice from my parents, both college professors with years of evaluations behind them. My father told me to ignore two kinds: the ones that were too excessive and worshipful in their praise, and the ones that were clearly nasty and designed to wound. My Dad, who taught philosophy, said that if the student eval said “Prof. Schwyzer is another Socrates!”, he laughed and put it aside. If an eval said “Schwyzer is the worst professor I’ve ever had, and shouldn’t be allowed to teach”, he did the same. But if a student said “He does a well, and I liked b, but I really wish he had done x instead of y because it would have made things clearer” — then my father paid close attention to the constructive criticism.

The college doesn’t pay much attention to a few laudatory or a few negative evaluations. They just crunch the numbers, and as long as you don’t have an overwhelming majority of your students rating you as “poor”, they don’t intervene. (Actually, for the tenured ones, even in the case of huge numbers of poor evaluations, they rarely intervene. For better or worse, getting rid of the tenured for anything other than a felony conviction is very difficult.) I know that some of my tenured colleagues don’t look at their evaluations at all, while others study every line, their egos inflating and deflating in response to each compliment and complaint. I fell into that camp for a long time myself. Today, I’m a little less vulnerable to either flattery or calculated meanness (one still sees both from time to time). Today, I read the evals carefully, looking for meaningful feedback. I’m happy to say that I usually get it, and am able to incorporate it in one way or another into my future courses.

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Thursday Short Poem: Rich’s “Aunt Jennifer’s Tigers”

Adrienne Rich was the first explicitly feminist poet whose work I loved, going back to elementary school days. And this poem was perhaps the first feminist poem I understood instantly. I’ve never forgotten it, and though it’s an oft-anthologized classic, some of my readers will see it here for the first time.

Aunt Jennifer’s Tigers


Aunt Jennifer’s tigers prance across a screen,
Bright topaz denizens of a world of green.
They do not fear the men beneath the tree;
They pace in sleek chivalric certainty.

Aunt Jennifer’s finger fluttering through her wool
Find even the ivory needle hard to pull.
The massive weight of Uncle’s wedding band
Sits heavily upon Aunt Jennifer’s hand.

When Aunt is dead, her terrified hands will lie
Still ringed with ordeals she was mastered by.
The tigers in the panel that she made
Will go on prancing, proud and unafraid.

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