This is the second lengthy post in a three-part series of responses to Michael Kimmel’s new Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men. Part One is here.

Sometimes, it seems to me that an entire generation of young men are lost to what might be called the siren song of the “Three Ps”: Pot, Pornography, and Playstation (video games). For an increasing number of young men, a fourth “P” is enjoying a renaissance: Poker, this time often played on-line. Ask any parent of a “guy” in the age range Michael Kimmel is focused on (16-26), ask any exasperated sister or would-be girlfriend, and you’ll hear many an anecdote about the hours lost and the commitments broken by young men indulging themselves in one or more of the aforementioned behaviors. Much of the recent writing about the “boy crisis” has focused on the influence of pornography and video games in particular on young men. By no means has all that focus been negative, though most thoughtful observers of contemporary society are deeply troubled by the tremendous amount of time that so many young men spend absorbed in the dubious “pleasures of the Ps.”

Michael Kimmel is not an anti-pornography activist. (From the perspective of the pro-feminist men’s movement, Robert Jensen’s Getting Off will remain the indispensable text on the subject for years to come.) Nor is Kimmel reflexively hostile to the “gaming” culture. Indeed, his writing on video games reveals a sophisticated knowledge of their appeal: his descriptions of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and World of Warcraft (perhaps the two most popular time-sucking games available) taught me a great deal about both these games and their stunning appeal.

Kimmel points out something every adult knows: young men tend to become hostile and defensive when queried about the amount of time they devote to online gaming.

Why are these guys so angry and defensive? In part because they feel a little guilty that they are spending so much time doing something they know is purposeless…

But it goes deeper than that. Guys’ defensiveness also has to do with the rage that’s both covert and overt in much of what passes for entertainment in Guyland. Because, as it turns out, the fantasy world of media is both an escape from reality and an escape to reality — the reality that many of these guys would secretly like to inhabit. Video games, in particular, provide a way for guys to feel empowered. In their daily lives guys often feel that they don’t measure up to the standards of the Guy Code — always be in control, never show weakness, neediness, vulnerability — and so they create ideal versions of themselves in fantasy. The thinking is simple: if somebody messes with your avatar, you blow him away. It’s a fantasy world of Manichean good and evil, a world in which violence is restorative and actions have no consequences whatsoever.

Kimmel rejects a simplistic connection between video games and “real-life” violence. Most psychologists and sociologists are justifiably suspicious of what he calls a “monkey-see, monkey-do” analysis of the influence of violent media. (And for what it’s worth, can we just leave the pigs and the monkeys and the dogs out of the discussion?) At the same time, he recognizes that gaming has tremendous significance in the lives of many “guys”. Explaining what these lads get out of their compulsive media consumption, he writes:

They’re getting a parallel education to the formal curriculum — complete with its own Three Rs: Relaxation from the weight of adult demands and of the rules of social decorum (also now known as political correctness); Revenge, against those who have usurped what you thought was yours; and, Restoration to your rightful entitled position in the world.

That’s not just alliterative, that’s right on the mark. In Manhood in America, his great primer, Kimmel focuses on the recurrent theme of “running away” from feminizing, civilizing culture. Huck Finn and Rip Van Winkle, two of the most memorable fictional characters of the 19th century, both go to great lengths to “relax”, to escape, and to create alternative worlds in which only “guys” can be found. (Think of Rip’s flagon of spirits as the modern-day bong, and the “bowling ghosts” he encounters as symbolic of men who live without the confining, restricting, civilizing impact of women). Young men today can’t escape as easily to the mountains or down the Mississippi, but they can escape into cyber-worlds that are largely male, rule-bound, and positively welcoming of violence. Continue reading →