Comments on: “If I were better, he would never leave”: reprinting a post about romantic illusions http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/11/05/if-i-were-better-he-would-never-leave-reprinting-a-post-about-romantic-illusions/ Author, Speaker, Professor, Shattering Gender Myths Sun, 20 May 2012 00:23:14 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: metamanda http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/11/05/if-i-were-better-he-would-never-leave-reprinting-a-post-about-romantic-illusions/#comment-9521 metamanda Sat, 07 Nov 2009 14:54:46 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2009/11/05/if-i-were-better-he-would-never-leave-reprinting-a-post-about-romantic-illusions/#comment-9521 Oooh, good point Tom. I don't know if it was you, but someone commenting on the language/sex post brought up Lakoff & Johnson's "Metaphors we live by", and the example that stuck with me most from that book was the metaphorical ways we understand love. love = shelter. love = madness. love = a journey. I suppose you're suggesting we often see love = fishing. (i.e. "there are other fish in the sea") which is not a terribly attractive way to look at it. The metaphor that they proposed, which I liked very much was love = collaborative art project. Where two individuals are trying to make something together that is more than either one of them, and implying the conflicts and resolutions that come with doing creative work with others. I try to keep that metaphor tucked in the back of my mind, since I think it's quite realistic, yet optimistic. Oooh, good point Tom. I don’t know if it was you, but someone commenting on the language/sex post brought up Lakoff & Johnson’s “Metaphors we live by”, and the example that stuck with me most from that book was the metaphorical ways we understand love. love = shelter. love = madness. love = a journey.

I suppose you’re suggesting we often see love = fishing. (i.e. “there are other fish in the sea”) which is not a terribly attractive way to look at it.

The metaphor that they proposed, which I liked very much was love = collaborative art project. Where two individuals are trying to make something together that is more than either one of them, and implying the conflicts and resolutions that come with doing creative work with others. I try to keep that metaphor tucked in the back of my mind, since I think it’s quite realistic, yet optimistic.

]]> By: Tom http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/11/05/if-i-were-better-he-would-never-leave-reprinting-a-post-about-romantic-illusions/#comment-9520 Tom Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:49:17 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2009/11/05/if-i-were-better-he-would-never-leave-reprinting-a-post-about-romantic-illusions/#comment-9520 Random thought on this and the previous post of the language of sex and relationships... Maybe we ought to put away the "attract, catch, keep" metaphor that often seems implicit when we talk or think about finding and maintaining relationships. Neither you nor Hilary directly used this metaphor, but I think that it's pretty common in how people often think of relationships and sex, as though prospective partners were some sort of animal to be trapped and kept for as long as possible. Random thought on this and the previous post of the language of sex and relationships… Maybe we ought to put away the “attract, catch, keep” metaphor that often seems implicit when we talk or think about finding and maintaining relationships. Neither you nor Hilary directly used this metaphor, but I think that it’s pretty common in how people often think of relationships and sex, as though prospective partners were some sort of animal to be trapped and kept for as long as possible.

]]> By: Jendi http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/11/05/if-i-were-better-he-would-never-leave-reprinting-a-post-about-romantic-illusions/#comment-9519 Jendi Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:44:43 +0000 http://hugoschwyzer.net/2009/11/05/if-i-were-better-he-would-never-leave-reprinting-a-post-about-romantic-illusions/#comment-9519 Thanks for the wise advice. This is SO me, though I do it with my female friendships rather than with men, maybe because I was raised by two women. Thanks for the wise advice. This is SO me, though I do it with my female friendships rather than with men, maybe because I was raised by two women.

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