As I’ve done each December since 2004, I’m doing a countdown of my top posts of the year. You’re invited to do the same at your blog. I wrote far less this year than in the past thanks to the birth of Heloise, but have enjoyed blogging no less as a result. Here’s the bottom half of the top ten; the top five posts of 2009 will appear next week.
10. Learning to long for what is good for us: some thoughts on sexual recovery for unquiet minds (February 25)
Excerpt: There’s an old saying in recovery: “You can’t think yourself into right action, you can only act yourself into right thinking.†That is especially true for those of us who come out of destructive sexual backgrounds. I learned how to be faithful even in the presence of overwhelming temptation. And I learned that if I just controlled my actions, then it would become easier — slowly — to control my words and my eyes. And if I controlled my words and my eyes, it would become easier — slowly — to redirect my thoughts away from people and situations that would prove colossally destructive. There was always a significant lag time, however, in which I felt panicky and frustrated. For a long time, I worried that I had given up an intensely exciting lifestyle that was killing me for a stultifyingly dull one that threatened to kill me with boredom. But I trusted, somehow, that I would find new and different kinds of excitement. I trusted that I could find excitement in the arms of a woman who wanted to live, who had no discernible addictions, who had no history of wild acting out. And lo and behold, it all came to pass…
9. Love, Again: second marriages and the triumph of hope and grace (September 
Excerpt: I am particularly sentimental about weddings between two folks who’ve done the whole thing before. I like witnessing the union of two people who’ve long since let go of their illusions about marriage; the romantic aspirations of the young are touching, but the willingness of those who’ve been to the show and had their hearts broken to commit again is a far more compelling spectacle to witness. Remarriage after divorce may still be a sin to those whose rigid adherence to a narrow reading of Scripture trumps their sense of grace and hope, but to the rest of us, it is an even greater testament to the power of love than the wedding of two comparative innocents.
8. On liberals, conservatives, and the dangers of disgust (May 28)
Excerpt: Jesus healed by touching, often touching folks who inspired disgust in others. He overcame, and taught His disciples to overcome, the culturally-conditioned revulsion coded into the Law. Much of the language of the Torah is about what is “unclean†or “abominable†or “disgustingâ€, after all. (I know that many folks take the Torah very seriously, as do I. It is only the literal-mided to whom I address my rebuke here.) Being spiritual rather than narrowly religious, is, in a sense, the insistence on prioritizing love over disgust. One might say the same about liberals and conservatives.
Our bodies are not disgusting. Other people’s bodies are not disgusting. Love is not disgusting. Suffering, human or animal, may seem revolting — but we need to overcome that reflexive disgust in order to get to empathy, to compassion, and to righteous action.
7. “â€When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and dieâ€: of a doctor, an usher, and the answerer of a call (May 31)
Excerpt: George Tiller was martyred today, not least because he stood — and stood publicly and openly — for the God-given dignity of women in the face of a movement that seeks to deny women their full humanity.
6. The danger of wanting to be first: a reply to bmmg39, updated with lyrics (January 23)
Excerpt: When a good relationship grows and endures, it does so in its own memorable ways. There is very little, from a purely physically sexual standpoint, that my wife and I could possibly do together that we haven’t each separately done with other people in the past. But that has damn all to do with the memories we create together and the marks we leave on each other. For heaven’s sakes, when I kiss my wife, I’m not comparing her tongue to that of umpteen other women; I’m fairly certain that she isn’t comparing my touch to that of her previous lovers! The tapes of what was are stored away. Why on earth would it matter that I’m not the first to make the woman I love call on the name of God in a moment of pleasure? It would only matter if I allowed my ego to trump my love, if the need to be the first was more important than the need to be the now.
Did you consult with David Letterman about this?