Monthly Archives: October 2010

Homosociality and homophobia: why the distorted rules of “manhood” are the real problem

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As sociologists and others have noted for years, suicides, particularly among the young, seem to happen in clusters. In the last few weeks in North America, more than half-a-dozen gay or lesbian youngsters have taken their own lives in response to bullying or harassment. On this National Coming Out Day, I’d like to point towards a site — and a movement — that has gone viral in recent days, the It Gets Better project hosted at Youtube. It Gets Better features videos from celebrities and ordinary folks alike; the messages are funny, moving, and consistent in their reassurance that the pain and heartache and loneliness that GLBTQ teens suffer will not last forever. My favorite is BD Wong’s deeply moving contribution.

As it is National Coming Out Day, it’s important to point outthe role that homosociality plays in the harassment of gays and lesbians. Homosociality is a primarily male phenomenon, particularly common among young American guys. Simply put, it’s the idea that the approval of male peers (and male authority figures) is the driving factor in men’s lives. Well documented by sociologists, the theory of homosociality suggests that winning approval from other men is more important to young men than anything else, including validation from women.

A few years ago, C.J. Pascoe wrote a marvelous study that I reviewed here on the blog: Dude, You’re a Fag. A study of compulsory heterosexuality and gender norms in a California high school, it’s the best work I’ve ever seen on the role public displays of homophobia play in shoring up fragile masculinity. From that post:

Pascoe writes of what she calls the fag discourse. The discourse manifests itself in the almost incorrigible way in which young men label each other “fags” while seeking to avoid having that label applied to them. According to this discourse, fear of being called out publicly as a “fag” is the primary driving force behind what Pascoe cleverly calls the display of “compulsive heterosexulity.” Playing on Adrienne Rich’s classic notion that contemporary society functions with a discourse of compulsory heterosexuality, Pascoe notes that among young men desperate to establish their masculine bona fides with their peers, what we see in American high schools amounts to compulsive, almost frantic efforts by young men to prove their manhood.

Anyone who has worked with adolescent boys knows how much anxiety many of them feel about their own masculinity. It’s not news to say that our sons, like their fathers before them, often have to endure or participate in physical or at least verbal violence that we tragically and falsely believe is necessary to transition into manhood. It’s not news that boys torment each other with the “fag” epithet. And it’s not news that the real stigma in being labelled a “fag” doesn’t lie in the association with homosexuality, but with being seen as feminine. Continue reading →

“We love your look, but lose 15 pounds”: a reprint on modeling, privilege, vulnerability and choice

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From March 2008.

One of my students came to me yesterday with a question. “Carine” is twenty, and has already taken four of my classes here. She’s getting ready to transfer on to a four-year school, and she’s doing so — to my considerable delight — as a women’s studies major.

Carine is an independent student, and has lived on her own for several years. She’s entirely self-supporting, and her parents have contributed nothing towards her college education. (This is a very common story here.) She is taking a full load of classes, and working a great many shifts as a server in a West Los Angeles restaurant. Though the tips are good, she’s barely scraping by. Her twelve year-old Camry is on the verge of complete collapse. Something’s gotta give.

Since she was in high school, Carine has done a little bit of modeling here and there; it’s provided a little extra pocket money from time to time, nothing too significant. But now, with transfer looming and the economy hitting the restaurant business, she’s decided to investigate making her modeling more serious. She has the right look, and earlier this week, she met with one of the better-known agencies in town. They loved her face and her portfolio, and were quite willing to sign Carine to a “conditional” contract. The “conditions”: lose three inches off her hips and drop fifteen pounds off her already lanky frame. The agency would check in her with regularly to assess her “progress”; if she did as she was asked, she could be assured of steady work. There’s no question that taking this contract would make a huge difference to Carine. It will enable her to transfer, to stay on course for her degree (in women’s studies, heaven be praised), to remain independent.

Carine is a self-described “staunch feminist”. She took my women’s studies class and was hooked; she regularly e-mails me for “more books, please!” I send her reading suggestions at a staggering rate, and she ploughs through them just as fast. And Carine, like so many young feminists I’ve known, was worried about whether taking this contract would compromise those infamous “feminist credentials.” She said something like: “I know the fashion industry sends a lot of destructive messages to women. If I lose this weight, do I become part of that destructive message? Am I hurting other women as well as myself?” Continue reading →

Homosocial anxiety, the virginity obsession, and the sexual double standard

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In my “Beauty and the Body” class yesterday, I revisited the topic of homosociality and male anxiety. Homosociality is the notion that winning validation from other males is the primary concern for young American men. Contrary to popular wisdom, “getting laid” matters less than the social cachet of being seen by other guys as someone who “gets laid” regularly and easily. (Michael Kimmel introduced the concept of homosociality in his magisterial Manhood in America; A Cultural History). I wrote this in an earlier post on the subject:

To use one cheap and easy example, homosociality explains the function of catcalls and wolfwhistles. I’ve often been asked by female students why men whistle and hoot at them from construction sites and passing cars. “Why do they do it? Do they think this actually ‘works’ to pick up women?” I usually inquire whether the whistling was done by a single man or a group; the answer is almost invariably that it was the latter. The answer, seen through the lens of homosociality, is obvious — men whistle and yell to connect with other men. Women are, alas, mere devices for creating non-sexual, same-gender bonds. This doesn’t explain all catcalling behavior, but it goes a hell of a long way towards doing so.

In yesterday’s class, we connected homosociality to male “performance” anxiety. We were talking about Susan Bordo’s wonderful, albeit dated, The Male Body, and her discussion of men’s anxieties about penises and performance. (I’ve written about this topic before as well, here and in this archive. I offered the not very original suggestion that the longing for homosocial approval is inevitably wrapped up in competition. Men gain status in other men’s eyes by competing with and bettering other men; the whole culture of sport, of course, is rooted in this. This relentless pursuit of dominance and validation is exhausting, painful, and anxiety-producing for everyone involved, not least the women who are turned into mere yardsticks with which male competitors can measure their success. Continue reading →

Thursday Short Poem: Pinsky’s “Shirt”

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Former American poet laureate Robert Pinsky is best known for his relentless commitment to educating Americans about poetry; his years of appearing on the MacNeil/Lehrer Newshour to read aloud did much to expand the reach of serious verse. His own poetry is excellent as well. Here’s a famous one that references the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire. As a bit of a clothes horse myself, whose taste has once again returned to Brooks Brothers button downs, this offering resonates, not least because of its reminder that what we wear comes with an often painful history.

Shirt

The back, the yoke, the yardage. Lapped seams,
The nearly invisible stitches along the collar
Turned in a sweatshop by Koreans or Malaysians

Gossiping over tea and noodles on their break
Or talking money or politics while one fitted
This armpiece with its overseam to the band

Of cuff I button at my wrist. The presser, the cutter,
The wringer, the mangle. The needle, the union,
The treadle, the bobbin. The code. The infamous blaze

At the Triangle Factory in nineteen-eleven.
One hundred and forty-six died in the flames
On the ninth floor, no hydrants, no fire escapes–

The witness in a building across the street
Who watched how a young man helped a girl to step
Up to the windowsill, then held her out

Away from the masonry wall and let her drop.
And then another. As if he were helping them up
To enter a streetcar, and not eternity.

A third before he dropped her put her arms
Around his neck and kissed him. Then he held
Her into space, and dropped her. Almost at once

He stepped up to the sill himself, his jacket flared
And fluttered up from his shirt as he came down,
Air filling up the legs of his gray trousers–

Like Hart Crane’s Bedlamite, “shrill shirt ballooning.”
Wonderful how the patern matches perfectly
Across the placket and over the twin bar-tacked

Corners of both pockets, like a strict rhyme
Or a major chord. Prints, plaids, checks,
Houndstooth, Tattersall, Madras. The clan tartans

Invented by mill-owners inspired by the hoax of Ossian,
To control their savage Scottish workers, tamed
By a fabricated heraldry: MacGregor,

Bailey, MacMartin. The kilt, devised for workers
to wear among the dusty clattering looms.
Weavers, carders, spinners. The loader,

The docker, the navvy. The planter, the picker, the sorter
Sweating at her machine in a litter of cotton
As slaves in calico headrags sweated in fields:

George Herbert, your descendant is a Black
Lady in South Carolina, her name is Irma
And she inspected my shirt. Its color and fit

And feel and its clean smell have satisfied
both her and me. We have culled its cost and quality
Down to the buttons of simulated bone,

The buttonholes, the sizing, the facing, the characters
Printed in black on neckband and tail. The shape,
The label, the labor, the color, the shade. The shirt.

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Defending the “sausage-casing girls” (reprint)

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From July 2006

Robin Abcarian had a rather snarky piece in yesterday’s Los Angeles Times about what she calls the "Sausage Casing Girls", those young women who dress in styles entirely too small and tight to fit their bodies: Letting it All Hang Out. It begins:

THE Sausage Casing Girls are everywhere this summer, their muffin tops hanging over their hip-skimming jeans, clothes shrink-wrapped around fleshy bodies that look as if they’ve been stuffed — like forcemeat — into teensy tops and skintight pants.

I don’t know about you, but I became instantly defensive and wary after that sentence.

Still, Abcarian does touch on something important:

One is tempted to applaud the Sausage Casing Girls; after all, Southern California is an epicenter of body consciousness, and here they are thumbing their noses at the idea that they must be whippets or Lindsay Lohans to wear the current styles, which for the last several seasons have been exaggeratedly body-hugging and skin-revealing. Perhaps all that self-esteem building has finally paid off.

But this phenomenon does not appear entirely to be about self-acceptance and the conscious abandonment of repressive physical ideals. It is far more complicated than that. Yes, there are plenty of young women who can confidently say that they are happy with their less-than-svelte shapes — and that is to be applauded. But there are many others who in the rush to be fashionable are unable to admit that they are larger than they wish to be, or that their bodies just don’t look good in the clothes they are choosing. Instead of reveling in their big, beautiful bodies, many girls instead are deep in denial, pouring themselves into clothes that are putting them in a python squeeze.

I hear this sort of discussion all the time from my students and my youth group teens.  Call it the "What was she thinking?" phenomenon, after the question that so many young women pose when they see a peer wearing clothes that, to their mind, are much too small for her body.   On this blog, I’ve regularly made the case that "Sisterhood is easier in winter", and yesterday’s Abcarian article is a fine case study of that unfortunate truism.  When the weather turns warmer and clothing styles become more revealing, many women do become more energetic in the "verbal policing" of the clothing choices of their peers!

Continue reading →

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November 2010 California endorsements

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Though the general election is still 27 days away, here are my California endorsements for the November 2 ballot.

Statewide Offices

US Senate: Barbara Boxer
Governor: Jerry Brown
Lieutenant Governor: Gavin Newsom
Secretary of State: Debra Bowen
Attorney General: Kamala Harris
Controller: John Chiang
Treasurer: Bill Lockyer
Insurance Commissioner: Dave Jones
State Superintendent of Public Instruction: Larry Aceves

For the partisan offices (all but the last), I’m endorsing Democrats. I have endorsed Republicans in past elections. In 2006, I endorsed a Green (Peter Camejo) for Governor and two Republicans (Steve Poizner over Cruz Bustamante for Insurance Commissioner and Bruce MacPherson for Secretary of State over Debra Bowen.) But the caliber of the Democrats is uniformly higher this cycle, and genuinely progressive Republicans like MacPherson have been purged from the GOP.

California propositions

A full list of the state propositions and ballot summaries can be found here.

Prop 19 (legalize marijuana): Yes (see Monday’s post)
Prop 20: (redistricting of congressional districts): Yes
Prop 21: ($18 increase in vehicle license fee for state parks): Yes
Prop 22: (local versus state funds): No
Prop 23: (repeal the state’s landmark emissions law): No
Prop 24: (business taxes): Yes
Prop 25: (simple majority for budget): Yes
Prop 26: (two-thirds majority for protecting environment): No
Prop 27: (put redistricting back in legislative hands): No

Feel free to inquire about these positions in the comments.

Feelings aren’t facts: on friendship, fidelity, and fleeting fancies

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I’ve written before on male-female friendship, most notably here. The short answer to the old question “can men and women be friends?” is “yes”, and there’s a part of me that’s always astounded when I run into serious adults who say otherwise.

I was reminded of my old post and the larger debate when I saw this series appear at Slate over the past ten days: Strictly Platonic: Friendships Between Men and Women. Slate offers several articles dealing with a variety of issues that arise around male-female non-romantic friendship, and there are some well-written contributions from both halves of these pairings. I enjoyed reading all of the short essays, and recommend them. (Including a nice explanation of how Plato gets dragged into the whole thing.)

I especially appreciated this Juliet Lapidos post on sexual desire within friendship.

This past winter I asked Slate readers to fill out a survey on “platonic friendship.” I said I was looking for subjects with a “platonic friend,” so it’s unsurprising that more than half of the 549 respondents who answered all of the relevant questions profess no attraction of any kind—they’ve never had sex with their friend, never talked about sex, and never thought seriously about it. Just over 5 percent are on the opposite extreme, and report significant sexual tension or ongoing sex. There’s a range of experience in the middle—mostly versions of the dating-to-friendship narrative, or accounts of fleeting romantic interest.

The survey indicates that the question “Are straight men and women able to forget sex and engage in a truly non-romantic fashion?” is too narrow. It’s wrong to think of platonic friendship as a binary proposition—in which couples either avoid sex entirely and make the relationship work, or they don’t and it doesn’t.Sexual feeling within friendship exists on a Kinsey-type scale, and moderate attraction does not necessarily ruin or invalidate the relationship.

Bold emphasis mine.

I think that last sentence is vital. Many folks will admit that friendships between men and women can exist and thrive, but only in those instances where neither party has any sexual attraction to the other. But according to this view, if flashes of mutual desire surface, the friendship will inevitably transition into a sexual relationship or the friendship will end. If just one party “wants something more”, the strain of that wanting will invariably create a barrier between the two erstwhile friends, driving them apart with guilt and resentment. Or so the pop psychology argument goes.

First of all, this argument ignores the very real human capacity to weigh costs and benefits and consider friendship to be a particularly valuable example of the latter. Sticking with the heterosexual examples, a man and a woman might both be pledged to other people in monogamous romantic relationship. They might both be deeply invested in those relationships and in honoring the commitments they made. The two friends might also be keenly aware that if they were each single, then a very different kind of relationship would involve between them. Continue reading →

Yes on 19: of “nudges” versus bans, and the wisdom of legalizing pot

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Later this week, I’ll be posting a complete list of my endorsements for the California general election to be held in just 29 days. Though I don’t overestimate my influence, I’m often asked by students and others for my views on ballot issues, and I’m happy to share — outside of the classroom setting, of course!

But this post deals with just one initiative on the state ballot next month: Proposition 19, which would legalize marijuana and allow local agencies to tax and regulate it. After some careful consideration, I’m voting “yes.”

I haven’t smoked pot since sometime during the spring of 1990, when I was a first-year grad student at UCLA. I’d been a periodic marijuana user since my freshman year of high school, but my consumption level skyrocketed at Berkeley. While I knew that alcohol and other drugs were a source of trouble for me, I’d always felt that I could control my pot usage. But on one Tuesday evening in the UCLA co-ops, I smoked two joints that had been laced with PCP. I hadn’t been told the pot had been “enhanced”; I ended up having a nightmarish multi-hour battle with the worst paranoia I’d ever experienced. I ended up in the emergency room (not the first time, nor the last.) And though it would be another eight years before I got clean and sober “for good”, I never smoked pot again after that night more than twenty years ago.

But my experiences do not good public policy make. I’ve known countless people, including responsible colleagues and mentors, who have been casual pot users for years with no discernible ill effects. While I’m leery of some of the more extreme claims made by marijuana’s most zealous advocates, I’m even more leery of those who see it as a gateway to despair and addiction. At worst, marijuana’s impact is no more deleterious on either the individual or society than alcohol’s, and at best, it has genuine therapeutic potential. Thus it makes sense to me to legalize not only the consumption of marijuana, but its production and sale. And of course, once legalized, it can be taxed and regulated, resulting in greater revenue for state and local agencies, reduced law enforcement costs due to decriminalization, and greater oversight of quality.

When it comes to drugs, or animal agriculture, or pornography, or sex work, I tend to think that the focus should always be on gradually reducing demand while legalizing and regulating the production of the “supply.” I have huge problems with prostitution, but support the legalization of sex work so that those who work in that industry can organize for protection, better pay, and greater respect. I am a vegan who wants to see everyone stop eating meat — but until that blessed day arrives in the far-off future, I want to regulate farms to guarantee the most humane conditions possible. And I want to see pot legalized even as I hope that my daughter’s generation will use it (and other drugs) less frequently than those that came before it.

Let me clarify again: I am a clean and sober alcoholic who refuses to use the drugs which are permissible for him to buy (like vodka); I’m hardly going to start smoking pot merely as a result of a change in its legal status. Continue reading →