With a heavy heart but without hesitation, I have resigned from my positions as co-director of both Healthy is the New Skinny and the Perfectly Unperfected Project.
I have been so proud to work with “HNS” and “PUP” over the last two years. But as the controversy around my pre-sobriety past has continued to intensify, it threatened to undermine the great work these two organizations are doing for young people. Those who wish me to withdraw from public life are contacting many of the groups and sites with which I am affiliated, demanding that they cease working with me in any capacity.
In this toxic environment, there was no choice but for me to terminate all my ties to Healthy is the New Skinny, Perfectly Unperfected, and Natural Models LA. I will, of course, not be participating in any way in their upcoming tour of the Pacific Northwest.
More soon.
None of Hugo’s feminist haters have criticized his Role/Reboot piece, in which he refuses to acknowledge forced penetration as rape. What does that say about the feminist movement?
You clearly don’t read enough feminist websites if you think the “erections and consent” piece hasn’t been torn apart by his critics.
You clearly don’t read enough feminist websites if you think the “erections and consent” piece hasn’t been torn apart by his critics.
Where has it been torn apart? I’ll withdraw my statement if you can provide sources.
Do your own homework, but I can assure you I only know about that post in the first place because it gets included in link round-ups to bring people up to speed on the man.
Of course you probably wouldn’t recognize the critiques as valid because they don’t ignore how problematic the post is from top to bottom to focus exclusively on the one line you’ve fixated on. Maybe you’ve missed people talking about it because to you the post is only about how he elides that a particular act of forced penetration was rape. His feminists critics are actually less forgiving of the piece than you are.
Go search his tag on Tumblr. You’ll see a lot of things that challenge your view of his feminist critics… but really, that explains why you won’t. I mean, whatever you think about feminism, why would you imagine feminists wouldn’t care about rape by forced penetration? What would we gain? How would that advance our cause? It’s an irrational stance, and you’re irrational for ascribing it.
“Do your own homework” = “I don’t have the sources you’re demanding, and I’ll just up the aggression in hopes you don’t notice that I don’t have them.”
Yeah I looked at the tumblr and the Facebook group and nobody talked about his Role/Reboot column.
“I don’t have the sources you’re demanding, and I’ll just up the aggression in hopes you don’t notice that I don’t have them.”
=========
you seem angry.
“I don’t have the sources you’re demanding, and I’ll just up the aggression in hopes you don’t notice that I don’t have them.”
=========
you seem angry.
I think it says that we “feminist haters” haven’t even hit the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problems in Hugo’s writing and role in feminism. Also, the HNS press release claims that the organization severed ties, aka, not a resignation.
Hugo, it’s disingenuous as all get-out for you to pretend that your “pre-sobriety behavior” is the sole issue here. Your supporters have framed this as a matter of some people not believing a person can change, when it’s more a matter of not having any sign that you have changed.
I don’t believe you will ultimately listen to anyone’s voice but your own, so please go read your Open Letter To Kyle Payne. I mean, look at passages like this: “Well-meaning friends and family, co-dependent as fuck, will tell you that you’ve ‘paid your debt’ and that ‘that’s all in the past.’” In your case, it’s not just interpersonal co-dependency but professional co-dependency… the bloggers you’ve promoted or protected with your influence are among your staunchest supporters.
But really, the key paragraph is here:
“And even after years and years of work, Kyle, some people just aren’t going to forgive you. And that’s going to have to be okay. Your goal is not to be loved by everyone; your goal is to pay a debt, to make amends, and to become a better human being. If your denial is as great as it appears to be, that’s going to take a long time. And even after your parole ends, even after a decade is up, you’re not going to be welcomed back as a feminist blogger. As I said at Ren’s place, that horse done left the barn and it ain’t comin’ back. That doesn’t mean you can’t still do important work, but it does mean that you have permanently forfeited the right to be accepted into this particular community.”
Hugo, you have admitted to attempted murder for paternalistic and gendered reasons, you have admitted to “accidental” rape, you have admitted to sexual predation of students entrusted to your authority… I don’t wish to minimize what Kyle Payne did, but if the scope and character of his betrayal and his violation is such that you feel comfortable saying that he should never hold a position of leadership or a voice of authority in feminist circles, then how can you possibly feel that the same is not true of you?
You’re right about Kyle. Why is the same logic not you right about you?
Don’t know why I’m pointing this out, of course. I’ve said it and you’ve said it: this gig is your life and you’re not going to walk away from it.
Right and wrong left the building ages ago, and there’s nothing you can do but double down and keep moving forward, full speed ahead and damn the torpedos.
The truth is that your problem was never drugs, it was always addiction. You have a website with your name in big letters, a giant glamour shot, your social media buttons, and a button to book you for personal appearances and that’s all I can see before I scroll down.
If you were sticking to your guns because nothing were more important than your message, your message would be what your website is about, wouldn’t it? But it’s not. This website is about you. It’s a giant masthead featuring the Hugo Schwyzer brand and the landing page isn’t the blog or even a mission statement or a 101 post, it’s another version of the “about you” page with a video, your capsule bio, and yes, the “booking” link. Again.
If I call you a narcissist, that’s not an unfounded accusation… like most everything else you’re accused of, it comes from your own blog. You shared that diagnosis with the world. You did so as part of your “I’m changed, I’m cured, I’m transformed” narrative… but Hugo, look at your website with unbiased eyes. Look at how your whole operation runs. Look at the example of “thoughtful criticism” you linked your followers to on your facebook, all the fawning praise it consisted of.
How close to the proverbial humus does that sound, Hugo?
You might turn around and go, “I’m resigning, what more do you want?” Well, doing it with some humility might be in order. The recognition that an admitted sexual predator who coaches a group of mostly women that includes rape survivors to chant “Men are not weak!” at a SlutWalk might be the toxic element and the reaction to him a healthy and necessary one might be a good start.
But like I said at the top, I don’t know what I’m hoping to accomplish. You’re invested in this too deeply to pull out.
I guess at my core, Hugo, I believe in one of the things that you’ve made part of your schtick: I believe people can change. I believe men can be strong.
I don’t believe you want to change and I don’t believe you will be strong, but if it turns out I’m wrong, I will be impressed rather than disappointed.
You can’t blame him for the “accidental rape”. In his words, he and Katie “conspired together” for it to happen.
Yeah, I don’t think so. I hope you “resign” from many more places before you’re done, Hugo. The way you talk about your past behavior is as much a red flag to me as your past behavior is.
Then let’s talk about *YOUR* past behavior shall we…?
Um, should anyone who’s ever done anything wrong *ever* be allowed to do anything…?
Hmmm…a question for the ages.
“The soul of conversation is sympathy.”
Thomas Campbell
You bringing up humility is rich.
It’d be nice to see each and every one of your past mistakes parade around for all of us to point, judge, laugh and comment on—and then systematically insist you stop doing everyone you’re doing; just cause it bothers us. (And because we said so!)
What would that be like?
How dare you be the judge and jury of this man who’s done nothing but make strides to move forward and help the cause?
The hate site is doing more damage to the cause of feminism than any man could ever do to a woman or to the cause.
If you don’t believe me read and really think about this:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction…The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.” MLK ♥
Get off your soapbox Alexandra Erin. It seems to me that you are extremely jealous and envious of what Hugo has achieved and want that recognition for yourself. Your comments are laced with bitterness and judgement. No one can brow beat like you do. I tuned you out after your second post.
If you are so committed to preaching to everyone else your views, then please, go get your own professorship and online blog, i.e., get lost.
I want some of your past mistakes revealed to a national audience so we can brow beat you off the internet. Believe, I would enjoy participating as it’s the kind of treatement you deserve in turn.
Curious that the wording of their press release seems to heavily imply that your leaving was their decision, not yours. Which is it?
http://healthyisthenewskinny.com/blog/2012/01/press-release-from-healthy-is-the-new-skinny/#.TxJxIy5KnZc.twitter
Also, not sure who you think you’re fooling that this uproar is all about your “pre-sobriety” behaviour. Thousands of words have been written now on your classist, racist, misogynistic, and paternalistic behaviour from 1998-present. Are you reading any of it?
Should that be his full time job? Reading vitriolic palaver and judgement? Or is it okay for him to keep teaching and helping women?
If it’s okay with –you–I’m going to encourage him to keep doing the good work he’s doing.
And you can get back to –well, God knows, whatever it is you do.
Keep on trucking Hugo.
And may that truck take you far away from feminism and women forever
No–just from his useless haters and detractors who have nothing better to do than hate–while the rest of us are actually trying to Promote feminism.
You do more harm than this quote–much more–think about that:
I listen to feminists and all these radical gals – most of them are failures. They’ve blown it. Some of them have been married, but they married some Casper Milquetoast who asked permission to go to the bathroom. These women just need a man in the house. That’s all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they’re mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They’re sexist. They hate men – that’s their problem. ~Jerry Falwell
You’re an MRA or just an extraordinary bad person. But you’re worse than Falwell–that’s for damn sure.
(shakes head)
I’m not thrilled about your past either but so many of your articles have been spot on concerning issues women face today.
I have my criticisms of your articles too, but the last thing I want to see is for you to be removed from feminist forums.
What he has to say about women, feminism, and patriarchy may be spot on, but it’s also been said just as eloquently by loads of actual women for years. He gets fawned over and published left and right because he is a white man saying these things, so it becomes believable and authoritative. Hugo is a classic case of people who should be allies monopolizing the conversation and drawing the spotlight away from those who are actually marginalized.
To me (this is just me) he hasn’t been “monopolizing the conversation.” That hasn’t been my impression.
But that’s just me.
I agree that much of what he writes about has been covered by other women (and men), but because it’s still relevant — and necessary — I’m pleased to see it reiterated wherever I can find it. To me it means that minds are changing.
Yes, Hugo is privileged as a white male, but I don’t think the answer is for Hugo to remove himself from the discussion. The media gave Gloria Steinem more credibility than Betty Friedan because in its shallow eyes Gloria was more conventionally beautiful. This is something to challenge, but in my opinion, not by having that person step down.
I’ve loved pretty much everything you’ve written, I wouldn’t be reading The Good Men Project, Healthy is the New Skinny, Perfectly Unperfected etc., if it wasn’t for you and your involvement.
It makes me sad, I won’t be reading your pieces on those sites any more, but I’ll definitely be sticking around, and reading your articles here. Keep up the good work.
If you’d like suggestions of actual WOMEN feminist writers with which to fill that void, just ask. There are tons, from tenured professors at major universities (i.e., credentials that far surpass Hugo’s), to history instructors at community colleges (i.e., the exact same credentials Hugo has), to average Janes (i.e., women who aren’t working in academia). And they all–by virtue of being women–have much more authority on the subject than Hugo ever will. They’re really worth a read. I’ll bet you’ll get past the sadness of losing Hugo’s mansplaining presence in Feminist spaces in no time.
We read those women too.
Js, no one is asking for your suggestions on anything, frankly. It’s very difficult to take any adult using the term “mansplaining” seriously anyway.
On the other hand, your whiny, jaundiced posting here just made Joe Perez’s point beautifully, whether Hugo would want that or not (and given that he’s dedicated his career to feminism, female empowerment, and education, it seems likely he wouldn’t.)
You tell me why a dude has the right to speak over women in a discussion about feminism, and I’ll show you what mansplaining is. Now sit down.
More sophomoric clichés. Thought so. Typical.
Says the mansplainer. Just stop. Your condescending male voice is not needed and you’re not helping. In fact, guys like you who think they know what’s good for women more than women do are the problem.
I’m sorry, perhaps you’ve mistaken me for someone else. You’re not setting up camp at the Michygan Womyn’s Musyc Festyval here. This is a public blog. The voice that isn’t needed is yours. Perhaps you and Anaesthesia are the ones who should sit down.
(Replying to Michael’s comment here) Apology accepted, jackass. Next time you mention that this is a ‘public blog’ you might want to think about how that validates our voices as much as it does yours. And ‘anaesthesia’? Did I upset you? I just haven’t had to deal with that kind of immaturity since third grade.
I wouldn’t mind some names. I’m always looking to read more people’s opinions, men and women, on gender.
Just a hug and words of support and appreciation. One of these days we’ll have to meet up for a beer and talk. Maybe this will be the beginning of a new appreciation of the seedy underbelly of postmodern victim feminism and an opening to more integral humanism. Let me know if you’re ever in Seattle.
“Maybe this will be the beginning of a new appreciation of the seedy underbelly of postmodern victim feminism and an opening to more integral humanism.”
WTF? Are you even serious with this comment?
Frankly, I’m glad. If he were respectful and actually took some blame for what he’s done then perhaps it would be different, but someone who openly continues to bleat slurs like ‘herding sluts’, refers to the issue of ejaculation in a way that tries to portray it as heartbreaking and radical, tells women who disagree with him that they’re not ‘real’ feminists and then uses his past as though it was something that was done TO him, not his own disgusting actions.
He can support feminism all he wishes, but to assign himself as some sort of feminist spokesperson with ‘brave’ articles focused on men, ignore his past, disregard anyone who doesn’t agree with him and decide that he, (a white, cisgender man with articles that scream ‘privilege’) is the be-all and end-all of a feminist movement.. no thanks.
Considering that the only way you or your sisters in misery would even know about his past is because he’s written about it and brought it to your attention in the first place, the notion that he’s “ignoring his past” is rather suspect, even for people of such obviously questionable intelligence as you and the others on this thread.
You’re all so awfully courageous and principled, hiding behind your pseudonyms and initials, aren’t you? Very impressive. Seriously, you’re as bad as the worst MRAs, and just as tedious.
This is a vote of support for you, Hugo! If you were not so controversial, you wouldn’t be so fascinating! Plus, I am guilty of doing bad things in the past, but I think I have changed and learned and moved on….We need more male voices here…I think the point is to continue having the conversation ongoing….
Isn’t that like the current political process? If the Democrats don’t talk to the Republicans who don’t talk to the Independents, then we are shutting out everybody and we don’t progress….I still talk to all the men in my life who are willing and I think it is important to keep those tenuous relationships going….otherwise we all get isolated on our little islands and where will that get us? I could never talk to my ex like this…Thank you for writing, Hugo…!
Women never need more male voices to speak for them.
no, we really don’t need more male voices. you guys monopolize the conversation enough already. or are you basically just asking for no women to be a part of the conversation?
You mean exactly the way you’re monopolizing the conversation right here with your carping, “Professor” Farnsworth? Priceless.
Hey, can we have a multitude of voices. I never thought the solution was silencing someone as trying to get others to speak. (Visible minority woman here. So don’t try any cis white whatever crap.)
You should learn to listen instead of brushing off peoples’ criticisms of you, sir. Dubious as some of the things you’ve written have been, whatever shreds of decent writing hidden beneath the folds of fauxminist crap are completely lost because rather than listen to your critics, you act like a spoiled child. You act like you’re entitled to a position in the feminist community. It shows a complete understanding and disregard for the fact that we don’t want you here, you’ve been speaking over and to us when you should step back, shut up and listen, and you’ve done heinous things in the past. There is no value to your writing. You make me sick.
You do more harm than Falwell. Here’s what you’re worse than–
I listen to feminists and all these radical gals – most of them are failures. They’ve blown it. Some of them have been married, but they married some Casper Milquetoast who asked permission to go to the bathroom. These women just need a man in the house. That’s all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they’re mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They’re sexist. They hate men – that’s their problem. ~Jerry Falwell
Get it? You’re doing more to harm me as a woman than this guy.
that’s sick
It’d be nice to see each and every one of your past mistakes parade around for all of us to point, judge, laugh and comment on—and then systematically insist you stop doing everyone you’re doing; just cause it bothers us. (And because we said so!)
What would that be like?
As someone said:
I know no other ideology that holds rhetoric to this standard of excruciating exactitude, on pain of exile from any and all adult discourse.
“Just shut up and go away” is playground thinking. Don’t waste your time in a playground.
You’re part of a vitriolic palaver of an immature, uneducated, hateful, backwards, JUVENILE, ignorant, repulsive, unbearable, non-sensical, malicious and PATHETIC tiny vocal minority with literally, nothing better to do than HURT the CAUSE of feminism—talk about making us sick….
“In this toxic environment”
Dude, do you and your “accountability team” really believe your own fucken bullshitte?
I have trouble believing anyone who cannot properly spell a simple word like ‘bullshit’.
I find it really disappointing that so many people are up in arms over what Hugo is trying to do. Is it really so bad for him to use past experiences to try to help people now? Everyone has a past, and not all of those pasts are perfect. I think that Hugo’s courage and honesty about his past are inspiring. I enjoy reading what he has to say, and find his opinions interesting. If you don’t, then stop reading.
“Author, Speaker, Professor, Shattering Gender Myths”
should be:
“Author, Speaker, Instructor, Creating Gender Myths”
I think it’s absurd that people are willing to say that they’d rather listen to a woman say the same things you’re saying. I don’t read the gender; I read the ideas. This is really unfortunate that my short foray/interest in feminism coincided so perfectly with an introduction to ideas like “we don’t men to speak for women.” So should they just shut up altogether? I don’t get it… And if someone can rationally explain that, I’d definitely listen, but as it stands I remain disheartened by those ideas.
Wow. Who did you piss off? Nice that you have a Facebook page full of kids dedicated to taking turns smearing you with lies and half-truths.
I got to admit, I’m pretty amazed. Some things never change. I used to read your blog fairly regularly quite a few years ago shortly after that first radio program you did. I enjoyed your writing and found your perspective on gender issues interesting. They made me see gender issues in a new light and sparked an interest in feminist issues for me that made me want to know more.
But I ended up getting disillusioned with the infighting, the petty bickering and jealousies that were a constant hallmark of many of the so called Feminist women that frequented the gender blogs, including but especially your blog and I lost interest.
Going through my old bookmarks I noticed your name and paid another visit, and lo and behold, the same petty bickering and jealousies as back then. Not the MRA’s mind you. They were tame compared to your Feminist critics and I would expect criticism and hatred of you by their group. But the petty and often vicious smears, exaggerations and attacks from self-described feminists that I’ve read the last couple of days are over the top.
I can’t say I’ve always agreed with your writings, but I’ve read enough of your posts and listened to enough of your lectures to know your dedication to gender equality is genuine. I find the petty jealousy over your success as a writer and speaker pretty lame. I keep seeing feminist women whining because people aren’t paying enough attention to what they say. That somehow, silencing you would make people listen to their painful and petty rants and tirades. The pretzel logic used to justify silencing your views is astounding in its vindictiveness and sexist hatred. Quoting your writings and assigning meaning so contradictory to what your original intent was outlandish and the motives so obvious. Even in at a time in our country’s history where politics means anything goes and truth is transitory, I couldn’t help but wonder how far these people would go to silence you. How low they would go to hold you in contempt and turn others against you. And how perfect their lives must be to be able to condemn you for past mistakes and find no redemption or forgiveness in your actions and accomplishments over the years. It doesn’t take much strength to throw the first stone. It’s usually the weakest among us that throws it. They fail to acknowledge that none of us are without sin.
While still supporting gender equality, I was completely turned off by the brand of Feminism that your haters subscribed to and to this day don’t have any use for it. And that’s a shame, because I know I’m not the only one with interest in gender equality that feels this way. All it does is turn interest in feminism into indifference at best, at worst contempt. Hell of a way to build a movement.
To the useless, narcissistic, judgmental, hateful, extremist, bigoted, *non*-feminist brats—the ones who’ve done more to harm feminism with all this hate than Jerry Falwal—the ones who need to get over themselves and see if they can move forward—do you know who you are now?
No need to be afraid anymore of ONE person’s essays okay buttercup?
As a woman you make me sick. As a feminist you make me enraged.
Your pathetic little self-righteous pity party has GOT to stop.
You’re doing more harm than good—do you understand that now?
Stop it.
Just.
Stop it.
I’m sorry, your head appears to be quite a long way up your ass.
Well that’s intelligent.
Dear Hugo
It is odd how you claim to have resigned, and yet they say;
“..we have decided to end all ties and he will no longer be working with our organization.”
http://healthyisthenewskinny.com/blog/
It’s funny how net content contradicts you, and your claims. You are such an “Unreliable Narrator” even in you own life. Odd how that story about you and your girlfriend and suicide got changed retrospectively , blog pages edited – but copies are available else where – and even being discussed publicly.
Once – an accident.
Twice – a coincidence.
Three times or more – ?
Time to do The Hard Work – Time to end the Cliché Cyber Theater – and stop looking for venues. The Only Venue needed to deal with Hugo is where Hugo’s feet are.
When someone tenders their resignation and it is accepted, that is considered a severing of ties, Mediahound. This isn’t that complicated.
The thing is …for some reason, you’re not able to read this one man’s work—without flying off the handle and entering into a blind panic—where you rile up any sophomore juveniles who can’t form a sentence without vulgarity, reason with others or—manage a page on Facebook with any kind of inclusive dialogue.
You start, engage and persist in a witch-hunt. (Not even *getting* the irony, that witch hunts—especially to feminists…are BAD.)
If you’re so sadly troubled and vexed by this one man’s writing—so be it.
For those of us who are able to discern nuances, look into ourselves for our own prejudices, examine and engage in real dialogue—maybe (maybe) you can leave us alone?
Maybe it’s not up to you what all feminists do?
Not of all of us are so fragile.
Let us be.
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