Ten Things Every Man Should Know by 30

A Happy May Day to all.

My column this week at Role/Reboot: Ten Things Every Man Should Know or Do by 30. Excerpt:

6. Don’t take women’s mistrust personally. By this age, you should stop saying inane things like “trust me” or “I’m not like the other guys.” Women aren’t mind-readers and in a world with as much sexualized violence as our own, we are guilty until proven innocent. Stop complaining and start taking steps to make yourself a safe ally and friend.

7. Decide how you feel about children. No, that doesn’t mean you have to have kids by the time you’re 30. But you don’t have forever, bub; men have biological clocks too. “I’ll think about that later” is a great thing for an 18-year-old to say. At 30, given what your female peers are experiencing and you yourself will soon go through, it’s time to make a decision about what you really want and start to act accordingly. If you never want kids, that’s great too—the point is, it’s time to start deciding.

8. Be able to prioritize. Put your wife or girlfriend first. Put your kids (if you have them) second. Put your family (yes, that includes your mother) third and your career fourth. Yeats wrote: “the intellect of man is forced to choose
 perfection of the life, or of the work.” His poem leaves no doubt that choosing the latter is a recipe for misery.

The whole thing here.

6 thoughts on “Ten Things Every Man Should Know by 30

  1. Well, not completely, but…My parents put each other first, bigtime. Whatever either of them did to me was just fine with the other…but it didn’t work out that fine for me. A person who mistreats kids, elders, or anyone with less power than they have is someone I wouldn’t want for a spouse, or anything else. Once you’ve made sure that they don’t pull stuff like that, then you can work on pampering them.

  2. Below I’m going to be a pretty harsh critic so let me preface this by saying that I really enjoyed bullet points 1,2,3,5,8,9,10. My criticism is therefore directed at points 4,6,7.
    Firstly:The notion that we are guilty until proven innocent because “there is so much sexual violence” is complete and utter horse shit. So much sexual violence? Compared to what? Historically rape was much more widespread due to, um, I don’t know, widespread war and a lack of legal recourse against assailants (remember mr Khan?). The only way you could justify that there is more sexual violence now is by using aggregate numbers which only shows that there is a much larger population nowadays. Guilty until proven innocent? You are essentially acknowledging that men are rapist-pigs and we must demonstrate otherwise, by, I don’t know, not raping? Honestly this logic is so fucked I can’t believe I’m reading it (I just started reading your blog because a feminist friend of mine suggested it was good men’s-issues reading and frankly this point makes me question the entirety of your message). As a future lawyer I can’t fathom why any sane person would think it’s okay to cast an entire gender in such a way as to make them second class citizens, a criminal gender, an underclass. Essentially you are arguing for inequality, <—THIS IS NOT FEMINISM.
    Secondly: The notion that we must decide whether we want kids prior to finding a mate to raise them with is similarly ludicrous. I only want kids if I'm raising them with the right kind of woman that also wants kids. Maybe I'll fall for a women who doesn't want kids. These decisions can (and probably should) be conditional and the idea that we must have our mind made up in advance is silly. Maybe you can have your mind made up in advance that you certainly do not want kids but this is much different, in that this decision can be made by one person while a decision to have kids requires (or should require) two people of like mind.
    Thirdly: Your assertion of male privilege is classical feminist propaganda and really is just a way of dismissing men's concerns about injustices men face. Ask men in the penal system whether they are much less likely to be sexually assaulted than their female counterparts (yeah I went there, the correctional rape cage and the unequal treatment of men and women by the law is hard evidence that this privilege rhetoric is not as simple as you'd like it to be). Acknowledging privilege isn't a gendered issue, your privilege comes from far more complex things than gender alone such as your attractiveness, class position, ethnicity, intelligence, etc. If anything bullet 4 should be rewritten into "acknowledge your individual privilege" or better yet "be modest" or maybe "don't be an objectivist that thinks they earned everything they've received".
    Lastly, others have already pointed out why the biological clock issue is blatantly wrong but I'll chip in that your are simply off the mark. I've known women to have children nearing their 50's and men even older. You're simply wrong on this one. An increased chance of certain mental health problems does not a male-biological clock make.
    I hope the harshness of these criticisms isn't taken the wrong way, I'm glad you're doing what you are doing but can't help but feel you too easily accept certain feminist doctrines without questioning them.

  3. @WB-Tanks. I hope you aren’t expecting a response, this blog is an echo chamber and HUGO doesn’t respond to people who don’t 100% agree with him.

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